In love or best friends

You are my best friend, your as smart as me as out going as me, ambitious, funny, lovable, energetic, charismatic and angry like me.... We are like two peas in a pod but are we just best friends. Do you listen to what I say or do I just feel like I can never open up or discuss me... Is that self fish that I feel like I get no time to talk or boast about me... I feel like I don't get that time or its very limited so to speak as to what hours in the day are put into me and my goals together as a couple...

I put my effort time energy into reaching your goals so your happy but yet my goals haven't been met. All my goals are always put on the back burner or non existent or to hard for me to achieve as I don't have my best friend standing there cheering me on.

Maybe this is how love works its all one sided... Maybe this is just a friendship and we are the best of friends lost and consumed by ourselves unable to help one another... I don't know but the anxious pressure on my chest that causes me not to breath is eating at me and I don't know what to do....

And for what..

Torn between a world of excitement and anxiousness. All my energy, emotions, moods are focused on you. I feel left and as though it wouldn't matter who was standing by you to pick up the pieces as long as someone reassured, reaffirmed and acted excited you'd be happy.

 Our dreams, goals and life together is non existent anymore and focus is on purely yourself and your life experience. I just want the next few weeks to hurry up so I know where I stand because my energy levels are growing weaker and I don't know how long I can hold you up on that pedestal that I make you sit on so high.

I want you to reach and aspire these goals but I don't want to bring you down or be forgotten and I want my goals to still be met even when your life is chaos....

V day....

Every one the past hour on facebook or any social media sight for the matter is going on about Valentines day and how they either love it because there boy friends are amazing and blah blah blah YUK or how they hate it because it's the most depressing day as they are single for the first time in 5 years.. Blah Blah Blah shut up stop going on about one day that really just I feel puts more pressure on a relationship than needed.

The girl has all these hopes and dreams of it being so successfully romantic like the movies and unfortunately unless you have some prince charming the boy freaks out then questions as to whether his present will ever be good enough because the girl has set the bar so high and it all comes to a crashing FAIL.....

That's my outlook on this so called Valentines day.... Now I wonder have I set the bar to high or will it be a success.. Do I have a prince charming or is that just wishful thinking on my part.

that in-between pain

Its been a while and wow has it been a ride.... Where to even begin, how to explain all the emotions or am I even making the right decision and will I ever be sure I am. I cant even slow down to breath to get it all out because I have held it in for so long its like verbal diarrhea waiting to just come out but I am trying to hold it in and just can't...

There's something about you that is so infectious... When together we are truly like two peas in a pod we love the same things have the same mood swings usually at opposite times which can be annoying yet we are attached to one another and we don't know how to be separate. Yet there is apart of us that like to still think we are single or like to push the flirting to another extreme and see how far is to far... In your eyes it might be an innocent move but then in mine it's not and vise versa.. Yet I still can't not be with you.

One night apart and I am craving for your kiss, you scent your touch I don't know how I am every going to go without you even though I know some of our future will be separate due to our goals and jobs.. But is it worth all the pain I mean do you really think you can go 6 months without me? I know you stuffed up and we weren't official than but you couldn't go one night without someone else and you hurt me, you hurt me so bad. You pulled my heart out twisted, stomped on it and threw it back into my chest and expected it to mend within an instant.

I stand by you still hoping the pain and hurt will go away hoping you won't do it to me again even when you promise you won't I don't know if I can believe you. I keep saying to myself if I keep putting it out there to fail it will fail so believe... Believe it will work believe it will work because we are so great together but am I now being one of those hopeful girl idiots that want prince charming to walk in get on one knee and propose do I even want any of those things........ It's all to confusing. I just want this pain to end...

My heart pounding, my lips trembling trying to hold back my tears. I'm just trying to be that girl that's strong enough to let it go and be the rock you need to stand by you and help you through because I know you have the potential to be what you want to be with me standing by you supporting your every move because I know one day you'll return the favor ten fold.

All to familiar.....

I think I'm in love with you.... Is that possible?

Gosh I wish I could control this feeling..... The feeling of caring to much.... The feeling your going to hurt me but that amazing warm fuzzy feeling that I get when I am around you...

You cross my mind every 10 minutes of every day and I  wonder if I cross yours that often and if so what is it your thinking? I had my future all nutted out and now I have to take you into consideration but I like it. I like knowing I have someone to care about but I hate the fact I do love you.... I wish I could stop it but I am going to embrace it because I know it won't be for long....

Cheater

You lying cheating bastard.... I should of known it was to good to be true from the beginning and to find out through a social networking website is even worse. I thought you being open and honest with me was your being truthful but clearly you are still the same person you were and haven't wanted to change...

You love playing the game and seeing how long you can go without someone finding out what your actually doing yet your the one that will end up alone and uncommitted because at one point one day a girl will come along and do the same to you as you have done to us all and you will realize what a fool you were to let me go.....

I'd love to say you'll get me back but you won't. You'll need a damn good explanation for this...

Lean on me

I do have to say even though it mighten be official its nice to have someone to lean on every so often and do the same in return. Like a companion type of relationship. Makes it hard to walk away I'll say that not that I want to walk away but I'm worried if this doesn't eventually progress then I'm going to get hurt but in the mean time whilst it's still not official I do have to say leaning on you is nice....